Key Takeaways

– Self Reflect: Mapping out your wants and needs

– Setting boundaries

– Actionable steps

– The golden rule of self centering

The Issue is you are de-centered.

Putting your kids, husband, wife, friends, family, work, or whatever first will only lead to your own ultimate demise.. When you think about your life and all the people, events, experiences and environments surrounding and engulfing you–you notice how it’s always you in the center of it all. We are all our own middle ground. Through everything that has ever happened to you or for you, at your core it’s always been you. A lot of the time through adversity and struggles we might loose site of that or have been gaslighted into normalizing putting others first. This is a very common reality for man people, it is a sign to start reevaluating your current choices and habits–ultimately centering yourself.

Life is hard and the responsibilities that come with living are challenging for the everyday person. Ii is a non-negotiable to put yourself first. You have to save yourself before you save others. What most of us don’t want to hear is that putting yourself first requires a level of selfishness and serious discipline… Walk with me.

Look at it like this.

Remember your serious faced grandmother that saved her laughter and smiles for the most hilarious moments only, her giddy side was such a rare moment that when you did have the chance to witness it–it lit you up too. She has so many life lessons and mannerisms to teach you but never directly shares details about her personally, she never blesses you with that vulnerability that would truly glow you up. This is her speaking and living through pain and a past used to not acknowledging her own existence. Living like this is how to leave this world as a misunderstood mystery instead of a beloved matriach or wise woman.

The same story could go for the super serious dilligent worker bee, that does what it takes and more to get the job done. They are the corporate latters ultimate daydream. Then one day they suddenly pass away in there sleep, laptop partnered in bed with them, the coffee pot ready for the their first cup of morning coffee but they’re no longer there to gulp it down as they review their notes before the big morning meeting with the big bosses. Yea the meeting still continued on as the admin aid drafted a “Deepest Regrets” email to the whole office and HR and management is ploting on who to fill their newly vacant position. The culprit of their passing, stress.

If you can resonate with these stories and don’t want your life to pass you by meaninglessly then keep reading.

What is it that you need? What do you want?

The first thing you’re going to want to do when you feel you have an issue with centering yourself and your needs, wants and goals is reflect. You’re going to have to start from scratch and reflect on what it is that you want from life that is truly attainable by your own doing. Yes we all want 100 million dollars or shit even a couple hundred thousand, ya know but we want to look at real goals and desires that are not a stroke of luck. Are you a coparenting mother of 2 working a micromanaging 9-5 living check to check, getting off to pick up the kids, prepare dinner, do bed time routines then off to bed for you to do it all over again until the weekend? Reflect on your situation. Realistically, what do you want? What would make life a little more worth living, where you’re not only looking forward to the weekend, where you have more external support, more cashflow, more personal time to be the best you, you can be.

Changes and saying no to what doesn’t serve you

Next you have to decide your new boundaries and prepare yourself for these changes will cause. Extreme change is difficult to adapt to–at first. You may feel guilty essentially letting others down in the beginnig when you choos yourself, others around you are use to coming first in your life. Talk to your job, tell them about your mental health and how you are making changes in your life to be able to better sustain a healthier lifestyle, this vulnerability will be respected or at the very least disrespected and in that cause you can sue them! As you go through this process of boundary setting and implementing change understand that complex feelings come with your decisions, and you may recieve pushback from friends and family, it’s fair to consider their input but ultimately you know whats best for you and what it takes to give a life of contentment. If you want to ease into this step, start small by declining an invitation to an outing, stay in and reset instead. There is so much power in the word “no”, use it, it will only increase your assertiveness and self confidence.

LIGHTS . CAMERAS . ACTION !!!

Once you reflected, assessed your life goals, and set your boundaries, you’re going to want to reinforce everything you say, this means sticking by your words, reinforcing them with action. This part is tough because it requires effort on your part and creating new habits. Creating new habits takes time, a whole lot of patience and of course discipline. if you say one of your goals is to feel comfortable naked and boost your body image then you have to create actionable steps to get there, there is no such thing as an overnight success. It is important to be easy on yourself, as in make start your steps nice and easy, dont stress yourself out with huge momentous steps you cannot take on your own. This could be first starting off by using your morning routine to build your self esteem regarding your appearance. Start your morning off with curated playlist, allow yourself a few minutes to stretch/meditate (especially if you have children to wake up), recite daily affirmations in the mirror every morning, hyped for your day. Start packing lunch the night before when you’re prepping dinner, pick your clothes out the night before. stage your life to be able to withstand the changes to come.

Me time is we time.

Just like you make quality time to spend with friends and family and how you make room to make money. Schedule quality time for yourself, you have to start thinking of yourself as a person of value, because you are. This step is happening simultaneously, as you self reflect, set boundaries, create goals, and act on them. Keeping a journal under your pillow for easy access, incorporating self care rituals into your routine or solo dates are key ways to grow your relationship with yourself to better learn who you are. When you think of yourself, think of yourself as a person outside of you–address yourself with respect and all the niceties. Decenter your friends, you do not need to check their stories to see what theyre up to, reach out to them for a call if you miss them, stop living vicariously through other peoples lives. Consult with yourself on tough decisions first before you go to anyone else, build a sense of self trust with you, the relationship you hold with yourself is the most valuable one you will ever have and it is the relationship you will leave this earth with. This is the essence of centering yourself.

Please Remember

When you stay true to these ways of life you will notice an improvement of your quality of life as a new found love for yourself and who you are at the core. Others will respect you more even if it takes time for them to realize what you’re up too but 9/10 they’re focused on themselves too. Write down your goals, make a plan for your life, create rules and non-negotables for your life and those around you. We need a code of conduct and governance to add structur to our lives–you might I well follow your own rules. In no way will changed a decentered life to a centered one be easy but remeber to be kind to yourself and allow yourself grace as you go on your journey to wherever.